2009 - A Review

(I know, I know. I haven't been on here in ages. Would you just accept I've been really busy?)

So, we're at the end of 2009 and all I have to say is life is good. Really good! I've seen so much sadness around me this year and yet here I am...still smiling. How is that possible? Maybe because I know how lucky I am. Don't believe me? Here's the list:

1.I've been hopelessly in love with the same man for the last 17 years....and thankfully he's been hopelessly in love with me too. :) To quote Tom Baxter, "See what I'm trying to say is you make things better. And no matter what the day is with you here it's better."


2. I have two wonderful children who can challenge me daily by everything they say and do.....and that's a good thing. They are my greatest achievements in this life and continue to make me proud to be their "momma".

3. I have three of the bestest girlfriends in the world. Ladies, I love you more than words can say. You're the reason I'm looking forward to turning forty. Five years......Vegas!!!!

4. I have made some wonderful new friends this year. It's amazing what you can find lurking around your neighbourhood. ;)

5. I've joined a book club! (When you're an English major who's been out of school for over 10 years things like a book club is very exciting.)

6.I saw a tonne of movies this year.

7. I read A LOT!!!

8. One (hyphenated) word......Self-esteem. I'm not perfect, but I'm a pretty good catch and it's taken me 35 years to believe that.

9. I love my job.

10. I've somehow become my mother and I'm okay with it. She's not a bad person to be. :)

Anyway, there are so many other reasons for why I am full of happiness this year. Sure, there's been stress, but life is pretty wonderful.

So, my wish for 2010? That I continue to view my world through those rose-coloured glasses. :)

10 years

To my love,
Today is our 10th wedding anniversary. Even though I've often said that we've always been like "an old married couple" from the get-go, we finally are one! And in this year, more than any other, I want you to know how much I love and appreciate you. You are my heart and soul. You know me....the good and the bad...and you still love me despite it all. How did I get so lucky the first time round?

Well, you know me and you know how much I love quotes and songs. So, here's one for you. A song from Take That because well, you know how much of an anglophile I am and because I only thought it fitting that we went a little retro.

I'll love you forever Joseph.
Love,
Cole

Nobody Else

Making my way through photographs
Of the night when you first stood by my side
Old friends with smiles some are here some are gone
Good memories of our senior high
Looking back we're the only couple still together
Even then I knew this love would be forever, I knew

Cause there's nobody else in the world that could love you
Anymore than I do, always here for you
Nobody else in the world could love you more
Nobody could love you anymore than I do
I'm still here for you

Our lives have all changed we've come a long long way
Our faces show the lines of two young songs
And in their houses there will be pictures
Like the ones of you and me
Hope they can look back and smile just like we have done
Never once have I felt the need for another
We were strong and survived the storm in time to discover

Cause there's nobody else in the world that could love you
Anymore than I do, always here for you
Nobody else in the world could love you more
Nobody could love you anymore than I do
I'm still here for you

All of the smiles we have won
Just from looking back and reliving all the good times
And when we've been through all the pages
We just start again, oh

Cause there's nobody else in the world that could love you
Anymore than I do, always here for you
Nobody else in the world could love you more
Nobody could love you anymore than I do
I'm still here for you

Anger Song

So, my friend was making an "angry playlist" and asked me for some suggestions. I gave her some and then started thinking about what my favourite angry songs are. I knew it would be based on lyrics more than sounds because, well I am a fan of words. I am fan of the idea that you can put words together and through that you can express feeling. And how someone can use those words to express their own feelings, but in return express the exact same feelings of a complete stranger. I think I am daily amazed by that fact.

Anyway, back to the anger......

Here is my favourite (if you can call it that) angry song. It's not loud or hard, but to me the lyrics are powerful. Mostly because we've all been there. We've all wanted to say to someone, "You fucked up.". It's a rant and it's a good one. So, I thought I would share with all of you. And if you haven't heard of this guy you need to.


"You've Got You" - by Eric Hutchinson

I've got a bone to pick with you and this opportunity
i couldn't live this down enough to make up for you and me
i feel a swelling in my soul i've been choking up inside
i'd bite my tongue just for your sake but i'd swallow too much pride

and who will be sorry first who will be sorry first
and if you won't be the one to budge i can tell what i am worth
and you've got you to blame for what you do to you
there's nothing shocking so it must be true
and let me set this record straight on the drama you create before you go and turn your back on me

i've got a lot to pay you back i've been saving up for years
i'm gonna break you into two now who's gonna hear your tears
i've been the friend you never had now you'll never have me back
i bear a witness to your faults and that line's severely cracked

and who will be sorry first who will be sorry first
and if you won't be the one to budge i can tell what i am worth
and you've got you to blame for what you do to you
there's nothing shocking so it must be true
and let me set this record straight on the drama you create before you go and turn your back on

you're gonna live your life and stay on your side
you're not ashamed to try you're more afraid of why
this bridge is burning now it's caving in
we're never gonna win we'll run in circles till we fall in line

and who will be sorry first who will be sorry first
and if you won't be the one to budge I can tell what I am worth

What do you think?

I have this weird habit. Every time I'm using the microwave (whether it be to pop popcorn, heat up a heating bag, or just reheating a meal) I use the allotted time as a timer. Instead of just standing in front of the microwave, waiting for what is in there to be done, I run around trying to get various tasks done before the time is up. I have actually perfected unloading a dishwasher in under 2 minutes. Getting lunches made for the next day, no problem! It's like a challenge.
Am I the only person out there who does this? I know no man ever does this as it is multitasking, but does any woman? I know, we don't stand still waiting for the microwave stop because, well, women hardly ever stand still, but does anyone else look at it as a challenge?
Okay, let me know.....and I already know I'm weird. That's a given. :)

The answer

Fact: I do not have the time to go out and party, get drunk, etc.

Do I have people who would be happy to look after my children? Sure do!

Do I have a husband who is supportive of me having a night out? Yup!

So, why don't I go out? Because I have to pay for it the next day. I don't mean having a hangover because that's a given. I mean, I drink so little that I feel the effects of alcohol after about half a pomtini.

This is what I mean. One day of me not cleaning, tidying and general care of my house results in another full day's work of making up for it. For example, yesterday I spent the day downtown with Stew and then the whole family went over to my brother's for dinner. This morning I have woken up to a floor that desperately needs sweeping, 2 loads of laundry to fold, dirty dishes piled up in the sink, couches full of various backpacks, hats, mitts, etc, one kid who needs a bath, two kids who need to do homework, and two lunches that need to be made for tomorrow. Plus I have to run out this afternoon!
And I don't have a choice to leave it one extra day. My home is my place of work. I have daycare kids coming tomorrow. It must be done!
So, even if I have someone willing to take the kids for the night and Joe's fine with it. I can tell you now, even if I was able to sleep in the next day, I would still have to do all this work to get ready for the next day. And I know what you're thinking..."Why don't you do all of that before you go out?". Even if I did, at least half of it would reappear the next day!

That, to answer my lovely family's question, is why I do not go out and get royally pissed. I do not have the time. Sure if you had someone come over and look after my kids as well as tidy up the house I might consider it, but we all know I'd say no to that. Why? Because I cannot stand inconveniencing people and there's no way I'm gonna let someone else clean up my family's mess. So, thanks but no thanks.
I'll stick to my dinner or movie, or tea out with a friend. Maybe have a drink at the pub, but only one and not after midnight. ;)
My time is up. Breakfast is done. Must start tidying.

Computer habits

Right now on the computer I have the following windows open:
- iTunes
- Facebook
- Webkinz
- a digital copy of Midnight Sun
...and I'm blogging in this window.

When Joe's on the computer he can only have one window open at a time. If I have anything else open he has to close it all out.

I think that is just a great observation in our differences. I multi-task my ass off and Joe.....God love him. I know I do. ;)

Daddy

Tomorrow is my dad's last day of work. 35 years as a police officer. And in case anyone notices the similarity of years to my age....yup, dad found out mom was pregnant and decided to get a new, stable career.
Anyway, I'm sure some have heard that as a retirement gift to himself my dad is taking the entire family (10 of us) to Disneyworld for a vacation. When I found this out I am sure you can imagine I was all "Woo, hoo!". I didn't really think much of it, but was just thankful for the upcoming gift.
Later on my mom and I were talking a little more about it and she told me the reason Dad was taking us all on this vacation was to make up for all the time he missed when we were growing up. Here's the thing.....I don't remember him missing anything. Okay, when I really started thinking about it I remember some family dinners were missed and he was absent for some holidays, but not enough to say my father was an absent parent. In fact, if anyone has heard me talk about my dad it's only praise.
So, I guess what I really want to say is...we parents always worry about how much time we spend with our kids, but as kids if the time spent is quality time then really it doesn't matter about the quantity.

Daddy, I am so proud of you. Not just for being the best police officer I have ever met, but for being the best man. Congratulations on a wonderful career. I hope mom lets you relax now that you're home more often. I love you to bits and bits.....always have.....always will.

For Paul

I'm sorry. I can't. She's my best friend.





;p

In it for the long haul

To quote "Mad About Love".....
"'You put up with my crap and I put up with your crap?'
'That's marriage?'
'This is what I'm thinking.'"

Words to live by. :)

Ladies, you can't change your man. If you can't accept him the way he is then move on. Would you like it if he tried to change you?

There's no back story to this post. It's just one of the philosophies I live by. My husband's not perfect and I'm okay with that. Why? Because I am nowhere near perfect, but he still loves me to bits. :)

Pondering a though....

It's been 10 years since I was last in a classroom and I have finally hit that point where I miss it. Well, I don't miss the whole worry over grades and stuff like that, but I miss the learning aspect of it. I miss the studying of a piece of literature to find the various, intricate layers. I miss studying so much that I've gotten to the point of highlighting and writing little notes on the various books I'm reading....okay, the Twilight saga.
I'd like to be in a book club, but I can't really find one. I've tried to start one up with my girlfriends, but we all know that when we get together we'll just chat.
I was thinking of looking into an online course or a night course. Nothing too deep, but more for the fun of it. I guess we'll just have to see. Do I have too much on my plate already? I think I'll have to think more about this. :)

To Andrew

You are not my older brother. You are my younger brother. So, I'd really appreciate it if you stop talking down to me. Just because you are a cop does not make the overall authority over life. I might not see the world the way you do, but I don't need to be educated on it. I like my "rose coloured glasses" and the view they give me.
I don't need to buy a new house. Yes, our house is small. Yes, sometimes it's cramped, but it's home and I like it.
I don't need a new job. I like what I do. I am proud of what I do. I might not protect lives, but I help raise them. People ask me to look after their most precious possessions and I do a damn good job at it! I feel at home, at peace in my job right now and that can only mean that I am doing what I should be.
No, we don't have a lot of money. We can't buy people fancy presents and go on luxurious vacations, but we know how to give our love and our time.
I believe in creativity, poetry, music, literature, and art. I believe in imagination and escapism and expression. And I will do my best to teach my children what it all means.
No, this might not be "the real world" but it is the world I choose to live in.
So, how about showing me a little bit of respect and stop talking to me like you're my father. I already have one of those and he's a damn good one. I really don't need another. That badge you wear does not make you an authority on everything. I have opinions on things and in some areas I might just know a lot more than you. So quit it.
All that said...I'm a chicken. I know I'll never tell you this because I know I can't win an argument with you. And you (as we all know) are always right. So, I'm gonna get my feelings out the only way I know how. This is my blog, my journal. In here I can say whatever I want. I might regret this later, but right now, well, I'm letting my feelings be heard.
Your Sister,
Cole
P.S. I'll always love you.

Be a good neighbour!

The people at the north end of my street just moved in in the spring. This is their first winter on our street. So far they are not good neighbours. They are the last ones to shovel their sidewalk and now they are not even removing the pile of snow at the end of the sidewalk where the snowplow went by. This pile of snow has been there for over a week. This is becoming a safety hazard for me and the kids I look after...why? Because every time we walk to and from school I have to try and get my kids over this large and wide pile of snow onto the road to then cross it. This is not safe.
On Friday while walking home with my kids (on the road I might add because it was just easier then getting them to scale the snow pile) I finally ran into someone who lived in the house. I asked them very kindly to remove this snow pile because of it being a safety hazard. The young woman was very nice, said she understood, apologized and said it would be done. I told her as long as it's done by Monday I'm fine. It's still not done.
Now, I have to be a bitch, call the city, get it removed and then they will send them a bill for it. Fuck! I have 5 kids I have to walk to school tomorrow! Why are people such lazy assholes?! We have seniors on our street!
I hate being a bitch!
To be continued......

You're only as old as you feel

I'm trying to figure out how to write this without coming across as pathetic. I know what I want to say, but I'm trying to figure out the words. I might as well just jump in and start swimming.....

I have a friend who is convinced that I will never grow up. (See, that comes across bad, but it's not!)
Okay, I'll try it from another angle.....

I have a really vast and detailed memory. As a result I remember all the way back to when I was just turning three. No, I don't think I remember from pictures...I have a very detailed memory of visiting my mom in the hospital after she had my brother. I remember the lobby, what my mom was wearing, the family that were there and the special lollipop I got. My husband has joked before that he could never win an argument with me because I'll not only repeat back to him what he has said, but when it was said, where we were and sometimes what we were wearing.
This memory has served me well in life. In high school I not only knew my class schedule, but that of my friends.... okay, and the boy I liked. :) And as far as movies go well, I'm the person you call when you see someone in something and you can't remember what else you saw them in. (Of course, I'm really not needed anymore with IMDB available to everyone.)
But here's where this memory has also served me well....I remember what it is like to be 5 or 13 or 18 or 23. And I use it depending on whom I'm with. With my kids I'm able to make fun out of little things. I know it's fun to just play...to pretend...to scream and yell for a while.
I also remember what it's like to be a teenager. For little things to mean a big deal. To not quite get the whole responsibility thing and wonder what everyone else's problem is. ;)
I am a defender of youth. I'm not talking the whole party scene and all that crap. Hell, I didn't do that the first time around. (And some of the stuff teenage girls do nowadays.....well, I'm just wondering if they were all born without a conscience.) But the enjoyment of life. The silliness of it all. And maybe that's why I'm reluctant to give it up. But also, just maybe, it has to do with the fact that my kids will be teenagers at one point and I never want them to think they can't talk to me.
So, since my teenage years revolved more around movies, music, and stars that is what I am still very much in touch with. I still like watching movies over and over again. And I still get fixated on one celebrity for a while which means I have to watch every movie he's ever been in. (Right now it's Vince Vaughn.) And I have one little tribute to my teenage years that I keep in my kitchen....my old bulletin board. The one that was plastered with pictures when I was younger is still a collage of images. Now it includes more friends and family, the things the kids are interested in (like Camp Rock and Indiana Jones), and the kids' school calender, but I still make my presence known.

So, maybe my friend is right...maybe I will never grow up. But I think I'm okay with that.

There, that's not too pathetic is it?