Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Catching up

Okay, so I've kinda been slacking in my blog posts as of late. What can I say, it was a busy summer. And since we just got back from a trip to PEI and Quebec I have a lot of laundry I'm avoiding right now.
I find it funny that the moment you don't have a computer around in the time when you feel like writing. I mean, I think I pretty much thought of a blog entry every day while I was away. But since I was at a cottage in PEI....they pretty much stayed in my head.
So, what should I start with? The good, the bad or the ugly? Lets start with the good.......
I read three books while I was away! The first three of the Twilight series. Yes, like the rest of the world I am hooked....and sad to know I only have one book left. There is nothing better than finding a book you like and just wanting to read it all of the time. I spent my evenings at the cottage curled up on a couch reading. It was lovely....and relaxing. It was what I needed and it felt so good.

Now the bad, ugh! I lost my self confidence again. Okay, this one will need a bit of a back story. For my entire life (up until about two months ago) I had very little self confidence. I can put on a wonderful facade, but the truth is I feel like I have zero self worth. I always had this feeling that if I walked into a place everyone there was looking around at me thinking, "Why is she here?!". My 20's were complete crap for the simple reason that they were to go out and socialize and I was too damn afraid to do it. My poor housemates at university would try to get me to go out with them, but I often said no. I was always jealous that they were able to go out and have fun, but I just couldn't bring myself to go.
Okay, here's a soul bearing husband was the first boy I ever dated, the first one that I really thought saw any interest in me.....and there has always been that small part of me that thought...if he ever left me there would be no one else in the world that would want me. Blech! I know, I know!
Anyway, I don't know what happened...whether it be that I was sick for so long and finally felt better, or it was that I went off to the big city on my own to watch a concert...anyway, I suddenly was filled with self confidence. I was more social than I've ever been in my entire life and loving it. I felt like I had something to offer the world. Suddenly all the worry and stress I had about all the little things in life was gone and I was feeling wonderful!
Here's an example of how good my frame of mind was....I was to meet a friend for a movie and he was 45 minutes late....and I didn't care! I mean, after 15 minutes I normally would have nearly been in tears from my brain working so fast to try and figure out what had happened. I can honestly tell you I was as cool as a cucumber! I just sat there, gave myself a time limit and enjoyed the silence of not having 6 kids talking to me at once. I even had a guy come up to me and say "Your getting stood up by your date too?" and I didn't care! I found the whole thing funny!
Sadly, that self confidence disappeared while I was on vacation. I really hated to see it go. I'm really not sure what made it disappear. Was it the sudden change of my parents not following us to Quebec city? Was it the strain of trying to translate french for four people? Or was it that damn full length mirror in the cottage in PEI? Whatever it was, it sucked it all away. Hopefully this is just a little funk and the new, confident me will arise again soon.
Oh, the ugly is going to have to wait until another post. Must go get the kiddies breakfast and send them off for their first day of SK!

1 comment:

Stacey said...

I hear 'ya! If only there was a 'quick fix'.......

I personally appreciate you very much and everything you do for my kids! You are a beautiful person inside and out!